Boatjour everyone! It’s high tide for a vote for the best, fishiest, puniest Merman and Mermaid stagename. Which name you choose will have no impact whatsoever. It’s just for fun and because we prepared hundreds of puns for the Sound of Sirens party game but eventually decided not to use them in the game. Deal with it 😎
Good evening, ladies and gentlemerms! I don’t know about you, but for me it’s been a loooong slumber! Are you ready for the greatest music festival of the seven seas???”
*the crowd cheers in anticipation*
“As you all know, the Sirenade festival has been a merfolk tradition for centuries! Some of our ancestors dared to defy us by crawling out of the ocean and starting a new life on land. Pretty soon, they had forgotten about their origins! But every hundred years, we give them a show that will make them remember… At least until they crash!”
*the crowd roars excitedly*
“And tonight is the night for our centennial event. The four siren clans will send out their biggest, their baddest, their toughest, their meanest school of sirens. Only one clan will be able to crash a human ship, and crown themselves as supreme rulers of the ocean!
The show is about to get underwater, but before we get to tonight’s main event, let’s meet the heroes that were carefully selected to represent each clam, in their search for ultimate victory!”
“Deemed by many to possess the most beautiful voice of her generation, she sings the most soothing songs to be heard across the entire waterwaves. But as her name suggests, she is also arguably the most relentless!
Here comes the godmother of ballads. Champion of three consecutive Sirenade races. She drags the works of Baithoven and Moshark to dazzling new depths!”
“Please welcome… Madrowna!“
*the crowd squeaks and flaps its fins in unison*
“Good eeeeveniiiing! I am soooo happy to perfoooorm a sonaaaaata by Debluesea for yooooou toniiiight…”
“Our second contender for the crown single-leggedly invented a new musical genre: Plunge Rock. He has broken all records with his band Piranha. His will be a tough shell to crack!”
“Here comes the one… The only… Kurt Cobbler!”
*several fish in the front row go belly-up*
“Are you okay, guppies…? Hey man! Give those ladies some water to breathe!
It’s gonna be a gnarly show tonight! Don’t forget: Plunge is a lifestyle, bro! We’re gonna show those sailors the meaning of hard rocks, up close and personal! Party on, dudes!”
“The next representative requires little introduction. He has been a legend of the seas for many centuries. Producing famous albums by Claminem and Whale-I-Am that went mother of pearl in under a week…
All the way from the coral reefs of Jamaica, performing for you alongside his ensemble The Whalers, he is the Freshwater Prince..”
*several octopuses completely lose their ink*
“Braddaaaaas and sistaaaas! You want to lure some sailors, yah? Da secret is, you gotta catch dem on dee off beat! Ya kno’, I been doin’ dis a loooong time, man. Ain’t nuttin’ but a matta o’ time before da squids take over dis competishan!”
“And last but not least… The role model that all guppies aspire to! Scoring hit after hit from the Pacific to the Indian… No sailor can resist her call!
Making the water boil and hitting 1 million followers on Bubblegram just last week… Here with her band The Sponge Girls…“
It’s Geri Halibut!“
*A thousand clamshells flash as she poses for the crowd*
“Hey y’all! Ballads are like, sooo outdated?! And did you see the slimy tentacles on that squid? Ewww! Hard rock, huh? Whatever! Pop songs are like, the bomb!
It’s time for the new generation to like, you know, set the rules and stuff! Let’s sparkle and shine… You with me, girls?!”
“Who will win the race of the century? Who has best practiced their scales? What else does the line-up for the Sirenade festival have in store? Sign up quickly to stay notified of all the news surrounding the Sirenade festival! And let us know who YOU will be rooting for!”
Complete game of the “Sound of Sirens” in your mailbox?